I did not draw the “easy parenting experience” card.
I had lunch with my long-time, pre-kid, friend Chris today. I was updating her on my children and on my personal growth journey as a parent and a person. She said: “Wow girl! You have come a LOOOONG way.”
I said yes, I sure have, thankyouverymuch, deep bow…and most of the way kicking and screaming. It was HARRRRD. I resisted a lot of it. It was rarely joyful, if I’m being honest. It was NOT AT ALL what I envisioned when I thought about being a mom and having a family. It was the opposite.
My oldest just turned 23. Porter is my husband’s biological son and I adopted him when he was 5, when Scott and I married. My youngest, Ruby, is the daughter Scott and I had together and she just turned 16. They are both in a really good place right now after years of serious struggle- mental health, a severe auto-immune disease, many other health issues, learning disabilities, the trauma of abandonment.
Walking children through all that is a tough road.
My Human Design chart says that I am meant to have shocking experiences, learn from them and share. Yup. I feel seen.
I have had some shocking experiences. I learned. Now I’m sharing.
One of the many good things that came out of those dark times and all of those shocking experiences was my spiritual awakening and journey to connect with a higher power on a deep level. All of the human stuff was failing me. I needed something more.
I also learned to care less about what people think. I am pretty certain that many people thought (and undoubtedly still do) that we were parenting ALL WRONG. Or maybe (undoubtedly) that was just my projection, because I thought I was doing it all wrong! I just had to let that go, although it was a slow release.
The way I thought I would parent did not work for us. The way many people around me parented did not work for us. We tried the standard formula, and many other formulas. We tried how we were raised. Those did not work either.
My kids required me to rethink pretty much EVERY. SINGLE. THING I thought I knew. They required me to go deeper. They required me to step into my power. They required me to ask for help. They required me to trust my instincts. They required me to do better and be better. I have come a long way because of them.
They are amazing people because of all of that struggle. They are so cool and strong and independent. They know their mind. They know what they like and don’t like. They don’t tolerate bull shit. They are not swayed by society norms and expectations. They go their own way. They are talented and they do what they like. They are hilarious.
In the last year or so I’ve felt the struggle of parenting ease up. I’ve been able to begin to rediscover myself. Who am I NOW? What do I like and not like? I don’t like white chocolate and I like to go to bed early.
What do I WANT?
What do I want to do, where do I want to go, who do I want to be with? It’s a new phase. It’s exciting. It’s a process. I’ve been focusing more lately, with the help of my coach, on what I WANT. For a while I got real stuck in what I DIDN’T want, what was wrong, the problems I thought I needed to fix. I don’t do much fixing anymore.
I’ve found coaching and pranic healing energy work to be hugely helpful for my growth. That’s why I offer those services.
I have also found that being in groups of like-minded women is nurturing and inspiring. I’ll be offering a group later this summer.
I’ve been through some things. And it has made me a better coach/guide/healer. I won’t tell you what to do. That never helped me. But I can hold space, share tools, reflect, and help you connect with your own truth on a deeper level.
And one last thing: this post was inspired by my friend and Human Design Wizard, Cameron Coots. She’s in the earlier years of motherhood and shared her experience in a blog post this week. It was so inspiring to me and prompted me to reflect on my own journey. I encourage you to head over to read her post. And sign up for a Human Design session with her. They are illuminating and inspiring and have helped me in very practical ways to live in alignment with my authentic self.
There are so many helpers along the way. Reach out and grab a hand. Or offer one. You don’t have to walk it alone.