Did you read my 6/20/24 blog post about Father Greg Boyle and his conversation with Tara Brach? If you missed it, you can find it here.
I wanted to elaborate on it from a practical perspective, cuz I’m a practical gal.
Father Greg said:
“The focus on behavior is the wrong focus. We need to find the thorn underneath that is causing the behavior. Get curious about it.”
Here’s how I applied the teaching:
I got into a habit of overeating over the winter. That’s never been an issue for me, so it was a weird thing. I just wanted to shove food in my mouth and yet I never felt satisfied. And I’m not talkin nourishing food. I wanted junk. I wanted fast food and cheeseburgers and ice cream and potato chips.
I tried the behavioral approach a few times to try to shift it. I tried shifting my mindset. I tried thought work. None of it changed anything.
But the podcast conversation prompted me to look at it a different way. I began to ask questions:
I wonder what this behavior means?
What’s the thorn underneath?
What need am I trying to meet with this behavior?
Where am I suffering?
And I found some answers!
I have always loved food and everything surrounding the meal experience. I love getting my food from a farmer who is invested in the care and nurturing of the food and the land. I love the process of preparing food. I am really into complex, sometimes strange, and big flavor. The atmosphere of the meal is a big deal to me. All of this contributes to my satisfaction and nourishment.
But I had shifted my focus away from much of that. I just wanted food on the table fast. I even began grabbing fast food - gasp! ;-). And I didn’t even need food “on the table”, per se. We had gotten into a habit of eating on the couch and watching a show. It started as a novel thing one night and it felt good - cuz it was novel, and felt a little naughty. So we did it again and again. And then it wasn’t novel. It was unconscious and it led to further disconnection from my food experience.
My unconscious response was to just stuff more food in my mouth to try to satisfy those needs.
When I got curious and asked the questions above, I got some insight. That prompted me to shift my attention back to everything I love about the food experience. I started spending time on Sundays looking at recipes again. This has inspired me to cook yummy meals again. I put a linen table cloth on the table and some flowers and we ate there again. I take time to notice and appreciate all of the summer food bounty.
And you know what? I stopped overeating! Just like that. Curiosity. Inquiry. No judgment. No shaming. Thanks Father Greg.
If this resonates for you and you’d like someone to guide you through the process, this is exactly the kind of thing I do in coaching. Schedule a coaching session and we’ll find your thorn together…