The Grandmothers brought me a lesson this week:
“You must step forward and be willing to hold more power.”
They give a lesson in this chapter of the book about the concept of evil (Our Love is Our Power, by Sharon McErlane, p 55).
I didn’t really relate to that term, evil. It seems like an archaic term, something that only applies to a serial killer, something very categorical, conspiratorial. But as I noticed my resistance to the term (resistance being a pattern of mine lately that I have been releasing this Samhain season), I began to think of different ways to think about evil. Evil as the opposite of “good and right”. The opposite of “life giving” and vitality.
One of the themes of Samhain season (the current season on The Celtic Wheel) is about the balance of polarities, the light and the dark, low vibrational frequency vs high. I’ve been playing with all the different forms of that theme this season and this is another lesson on the topic.
So back to my story…lessons on evil.
The Grandmothers invite the reader in this lesson to ask The Divine (Your Higher Self, God, Source, Allah, whomever you resonate with) how evil shows up in you. How does it worm its way into you?
So I asked and my answer was apathy and distracted busyness. Yes. That rings true. When I am in those states I’m not standing in my power. So I took a deeper look at that.
For me, “taking a look at that” is a combo of journaling, noticing (having an awareness of self and my shenanigans, and how it actually FEELS in my body), and messages that come to me. This week the messages have been from a Pranic Healing client and from a podcast.
Here’s what I found:
FREEDOM is SUPER important to me. I don’t love responsibility, or commitment, or people relying on me, or being held accountable to something or someone. This shows up in every personality profile I’ve ever taken. I just want to be fancy free! To follow my whims. As I wrote this in my journal, here’s what came next:
Do I? Is that really true? What am I doing when I “follow my whims” and therefore avoid showing up? Nothing that feels good! So that’s actually a load of shit- that’s how evil shows up in me. That’s how evil keeps me small and keeps the vibration of the world low. Maintaining chaos through fear and apathy. So it’s not about “freedom”, Tracy.
“Freedom” makes you feel amazing. Being on the back of a motorcycle, riding in a boat, water skiing, speaking, pranic healing – THAT feeling is freedom. Not showing up to your work, your calling - NOT freedom. That’s a different feeling – tired, heavy, dark gray, blobby, cloudy. Not restorative. Not freedom. Freedom for me is expression in all the ways – speech, dance, writing, art, clothing, decorating, cooking, making – knitting, potions, a wooden side table.
Side note: Sometimes “following my whims” is a good thing. I don’t need to be too rigid. But I know, I can feel, if I’m avoiding, or if it really is the best thing for me to take off to the woods instead of cleaning the house. You feel me? You know the difference too.
If we all stepped into our power, stepped up to express what’s inside dying to get out – we wouldn’t be so afraid of everything happening in the world. We wouldn’t need a nap cuz we’re worn out by the too muchness of it all. We would shift the tide! Just doing our THING shifts the tide! Whatever our thing is.
When we play small, others do too. When we step up into our power, it inspires others to step into theirs. You know when you’re around someone who is living large, who is full of vitality? You can literally feel that and it motivates you to do the same. That’s what I mean by “keeping the vibration of world high or low”.
So back to the command The Grandmothers gave me: “You must step forward and be willing to hold more power.” I’ve been resisting that. And it doesn’t feel good. So I’m going to try the other way – stepping up into it.
Maybe you want to join me? Have you been resisting standing in your power? Holding and expressing power looks different for all of us. We’ve all been called to do that in a special way. And we’re all being called to actually DO it! So let’s go!
photo cred: my hubs