I did not plan to stop drinking. I am not an alcoholic. I am not preaching. This is simply my account of my experience without alcohol. It is not in any way about you.

If you know me, this will come as a huge shock. I LOVE cocktails. And beer. But cocktails especially. I love researching recipes, reading origin stories of cocktails, making my own mixers from scratch, juicing the citrus by hand, the tools involved, creating a beautiful garnish, thrifting for an assortment of beautiful cocktail glasses. I photograph my creations for no reason other than I think they are so pretty. I LOOOOOVE EVERYTHING about mixology. I have an app. I have recipe books. I have a Pinterest board.

But then COVID came. Is there any story these days that does not involve COVID? At first I was a cocktail making maniac. It felt like snow days after a huge blizzard. It was special. I hunkered down and got really into the cocktails. Then…Phase 2…we all realized it wasn’t just going to be a 2 week break. I got really focused on my health and shoring up my immune system and decided not to drink for a bit. No further thought or plan. Then it was a long bit and I hadn’t even thought about drinking. Weeks turned into months and I realized, much to my surprise, that I didn’t even WANT a cocktail. Weird.

Sober-curious seems to be all the rage these days, but it never resonated with me. I loved my cocktails. It’s fun! But I wasn’t even thinking about them and when I did, it didn’t even sound good. Then one night it did. Kinda. I mixed one. I enjoyed it. But during the night I woke up feeling sick and horrible. Also weird. It was just ONE cocktail! Weeks later I had another. Same sick feeling in the night. Last weekend it was an amazingly warm and sunny spring day. We had finished yardwork and were sitting outside. THAT, my friends, is the perfect set up for a beer – amiright?! The Mister agreed and ran to get some. I had ONE BEER. I enjoyed it. It was a local sour and I LOVE sours! But then during the night I was sick again. UGH!!! So the last 3 times I had alcohol, I had the same sick reaction. Not a coincidence. My body has decided – no more! A friend suggested that I must be vibrating at a different frequency. I can get on board with that theory. So many things have changed for me in the past year.

While I’m not super upset about this surprising turn of events – it is better for me not to drink, I know that – I am a bit bummed about a few things:

ALL OF MY BEAUTIFUL BARWARE!
The social cues – I associate good adult beverages with a group of friends gathered together having a great time, a canoe ride, a bon fire, hunkering down with Scott in the evening and having some great meandering conversation, our Saturday afternoon bike-n-brews, beautiful spring evenings, relaxation, fun. A cocktail signals something special is happening.
The creative artistry of drink making.

So while I am not saying “I don’t drink”, because that feels confining, I can’t imagine wanting to drink. It’s so weird how it just fell away, without any thought or effort. I keep saying weird…because it’s weird! But some social cues still have me wanting a special drink. An alcoholic beverage signified something different and special was happening. And I CANNOT just banish my barware to a dark cabinet! One of my friends suggested that I start researching creative non-alcoholic drinks. I love that idea! That’s gonna be my new thing. I made a watermelon shrub last summer. I’ll expand on the shrubs with seasonal ingredients.

I may drink again. I am making no promises or commitments. I am just flowing with whatever feels right. So here’s to new adventures in special drinks. And to still being fun! And here’s to COVID changing everything.