Do you wanna hear about my really wacky dream?
It has nothing to do with Dolly. But she IS in a car here, which DOES have to do with my dream.
And Dolly is on everyone’s mind this week so I had to include her picture. RIP Dolly. What a gal!
Now onto my dream…
So I was in the passenger seat of my beloved Gretta the Jetta, my car from years ago. I loved that car. It was precious to me. Driving my car was a girl that I knew from college. My sister was in the back seat, along with another friend of mine, Mary.
We were going to dinner, but our Driver had no idea where that was. I was YELLING at her to stop the car because she didn’t even know what direction we need to be going. WHAT IF WE’RE GOING THE WRONG WAYYYYY!!!???? I was outraged.
I was fumbling with an iPad, and my phone, and chargers of all kinds, paper maps, a big tote bag full of things at my feet. I was in full-on panic mode. We’re going to be late!
The Driver was reckless. We were on a dark country road and she was speeding. 30 mph over the speed limit, my Navigator Self pointed out.
Then she ran off the road! IN MY JETTA! We went through a yard, side swiped an iron fence, came close to a house. Mary, in the back seat, told her not to slow down or she would get stuck in the boggy grass. She put the peddle to the metal - OMG we were already going SO FAST! - and she maneuvered back onto the road.
Never stopping. Never slowing down.
I yelled at her to stop the car - I need to check the damage on my precious Jetta. Slow down! On and on. SCREAMING at her. And when I say screaming, I mean at the top of my lungs IN her face screaming.
All she did was look at me and smile calmly and carry on. I was infuriated.
I couldn’t get my iPad to work so that I could get directions. I pulled out my phone and suddenly my thumbs grew to twice their size and I couldn’t type on the small screen. I was fumbling with everything.
The driver just kept pleasantly smiling at me. Cool as a summer cucumber. I yelled at her to get her eyes back on the road - UNSAFE! She ignored me and drove on.
My sister and friend in the back offered to pull up directions on their phones - NO! I shouted. I’ve got it! I’ll figure it out!
It was intense. My palms are sweating typing it. I woke rattled and puzzled about what it meant.
I wrote about it in my morning journal. Usually writing brings me awareness. It didn’t. So I shut my journal and felt done with it. Maybe it was “just a dream”.
Then I connected with my guides, as I do every morning, I said - “I don’t want to do this alone.” This life.
I often have to remind myself that I have so much support around me - in both human and spirit form - and I don’t have to do it alone. And in fact it’s better when I don’t try to.
My mom tells a funny story of little toddler Tracy refusing help and saying: “Let me do it to me self!” I’ve had a lifetime of fighting my fierce independence, and “doing it to me self”, which does not always serve me.
And like a flash of lightning, as I said those words to my guides - “I don’t want to do this alone” - they gave me the instant awareness that the characters in that car WERE DIFFERENT PARTS OF MEEEEEE!
The Driver - that girl in college who seemed charmed. The one who got all the good and cool things, against all odds. Always seemed to be bumbling along happily. Not stressed. Things just fell into her lap and always worked out amazingly.
The Navigator - trying to control everything, freaking out, demanding, fumbling with devises and papers, fearing we’re going the wrong way, unable to find the directions, a tote bag full of all the supplies you’d need for any situation. So prepared. Refusing help. Bossy. Outraged.
Sister in the back seat - calmly offering help. But my frantic Navigator Self refused. “I got it!” But I didn’t. And still I wouldn’t give up trying to control the situation and being angry.
Friend Mary in the back seat - urging the Driver to keep driving through the marshy part so she wouldn’t get stuck - keep going!
My psychology background and training came in handy here for looking at the dream through both a Jungian and Parts Work framework. Jung says our dreams reveal important messages. Parts Work encourages us to look at all of the different parts and traits that make up ourselves - Mama Bear, The Control Freak, The Big Lebowski, The Flower Child.
There were lots of lessons for me in this dream. I wrote a page about them in my journal. But I think the biggest was to tell that Frantic Navigator self to just simmer down. The part of me who’s driving right now is just fine. She knows how to figure it out. She’s happy. There are helpers to pull up directions and encourage me to keep going.
So how about your parts?
Who’s in your car? What part of you is driving right now? What part of you is freaking out? What part of you wants to help but you’re refusing?
And how do you navigate all of your parts!? And how do you get the right one in the driver’s seat?
This is the kind of thing I do in coaching! If you’d like help navigating, schedule a coaching session right here. Zoom or in-person in SoBro. You don’t have to do it alone!