Can we talk about affirmations?
I’ll start here: I’m not criticizing affirmations. However, when used alone, I have found they fall flat and are often not effective for getting the outcome you desire.
Spirit, mind, body and emotions all contribute to wellness. Affirmations fall into the mind category. They are a type of mindset/thought work.
And I have some thoughts about thought work.
Here are a few pitfalls I have experienced with affirmations – from now on when I say affirmations I am also including mindset and thought work in the same category, k?
First: We can use affirmations to avoid feeling emotions. Ask me how I know.
Ok, since you asked, here’s a personal example: a few years ago I was driving to meet a group of fun peeps for dinner. I felt irritated and angry. I tried to reason/affirmation my way out of it – I love all these people. Why are you irritated? It’s going to be fun. I am blessed to have these people in my life. On and on.
Still irritated.
Then I decided to look at my emotions using a process that I learned in the book “Letting Go” by David R Hawkins. I also use it with my clients. The theory is that our “problematic” thoughts – the ones we don’t like or want – come from repressed emotions. If you repress an emotion, it pops up as a thought. We cannot talk ourselves out of these thoughts with other thoughts/affirmations. But when we go through the process of identifying and feeling the repressed emotion, the unwanted thought dissolves.
I tried it. It worked!
I realized the emotion I was repressing was sadness. My family didn’t want to go with me and I was going alone. That made me sad. I didn’t want to be sad so I stuffed it. Here came the unwanted thoughts – Why am I driving to a restaurant in the suburbs? I’m tired and don’t feel like going, etc. Those thoughts created anger. Vicious circle.
Once I went through the process (in like 3 minutes while I was driving) and shed a tear or two (that’s how the emotion wanted to be processed), my mood suddenly lightened and I felt great! My thoughts also shifted.
I processed it all before I was even half way to dinner and had a wonderful time!
Second point: We are encouraged to use affirmations to create our reality – to manifest what we want. There is a school of thought that says we manifest from our subconscious and any limiting beliefs that are lurking down there.
We can say all of the positive affirmations we want but if our subconscious mind doesn’t believe it, then nothing changes. The work here is to get into your subconscious, find those limiting beliefs tucked deep away, and reprogram them. There’s a process for that that I can explain if you’re interested (I like the work of Lacy Phillips at To Be Magnetic for this).
There are a few other theories too, but this isn’t a Psych 303 class so they didn’t make the syllabus for this email. These are the 2 different theories and processes that I have found to be the most helpful in shifting my reality and mood. Affirmations can then follow and support that.
I believe there is absolutely a place for affirmations. I use them. I like them. Thought work is powerful. I have a giant ongoing list of positive thoughts and beliefs that serve me. I follow mindset coaches and I even have one I am working with 1:1 right now. BUT if this is your ONLY tool, you may want to swing by your local hardware store and see what else is on the shelf. Trust me, that impact driver was TOTALLY worth it. My old electric screwdriver with the (gasp) CORD wasn’t getting all the jobs done.
Wait, we’re not talking about actual tools are we? But if we were I’d talk more about an impact driver.
So do the affirmations. But don’t let that be your only tool. That’s why they created tool boxes – we need more than one tool.
If you need additional tools, I offer a 3-month 1:1 evolution package where we play around in my toolbox and find the perfect tools for the job.