What If It's Not Broken

I've been toying around with this idea - "what if the things that I'm trying to fix, that seem wrong, aren't actually wrong, and don't actually need fixing?"  

You may know that my daughter, Ruby, has an autoimmune disease called PANDAS.  It's a hard disease - for all of us.  I feel bad for the struggles she faces daily.  We have spent years trying SO. MANY. SOLUTIONS.  So much money, so much time, so many practitioners, so many treatments, many creams/salves/drops/pills...  

Lately I've been exploring the idea that maybe she doesn't need fixing.  This is her path. It's not mine to try to control and fix.  This is all happening for her highest good.  

What if the big scary thing that seems broken isn't actually broken?  What if the pandemic, and all of the resulting pain and struggle and confusion and fear, is here to make way for the highest good for all.  What if Ruby's illness is here for the same.  Well, that is what I choose to believe.  I've seen enough evidence and heard enough stories to believe that suffering isn't in vain, and that we only have control over how we are going to act in the face of it.  How I act is my choice.  So I get up every morning and I try to make a choice I'm proud of.  I connect with Spirit (whatever that means for you - your higher self, the universe, god...) and I listen for the messages.  Hey some days it doesn't go so well.  Some days I get shitty with people and I'm mean.  Like yesterday.  Some days I'm sad and resentful and feel self pity.  But I keep trying.  And it works more days than not.  

So what can we do to see seemingly broken things a little differently?  How can we change the lens with which we view challenges?  Because it's here, and there's no sense in fighting it.  As Ma Ingalls said:

This earthly life is a battle. If it isn't one thing to contend with, it's another. It always has been so, and it always will be. The sooner you make up your mind to that, the better off you are, and more thankful for your pleasures.

Yes, I just quoted Ma Ingalls ;-).

Wishing you a joyful perspective today, my friends, as we all navigate these challenges.

I Had A Dream

I had a dream last night: I lived in an apartment building with my family, very high up.  It was in the middle of a city that looked war-ravaged.  The building was only 1/2 standing and the excavation crew was there with a wrecking ball to finish bringing it all down.  I asked one guy to wait while we went inside to get what we could of our belongings.  I wasn't sure he would would tell the right people, so it was a scramble to get in and get what I could before the building started falling.  I was panicked.  It was a race against the clock.  I am literally sweating right now, as I type this!  I was frantically sorting things and putting them in piles - keep this, don't need this, pack this in that.  I went to check on the machinery at one point and the side of the building was gone, exposing our apartment to the dark, wet night.  The floor was sloping and crumbling, and slippery.  I was trying to grab the dogs because they were so close to the edge.  What else do I need?  What do I let go of?  Everything was literally falling apart.  

Exactly, of course, what is happening in the world.  So many things are crumbling.

I was instructed to draw a card in meditation this morning.  I've been working with a new deck, Alana Fairchild's White Light Oracle.  And I LOOOOVE it.  Here's what the card said:  "It is time to let go.  Things are working out in their own way.  Trust that your heart is wise and is leading you on a soul-healing journey, and the right spiritual path.  Spirit wants to bring you a blessing and a resolution, but you must let go and allow it to happen.  Events are unfolding according to a higher plan.  Even if your plans are going awry, know that all will come together at the right time and in the best way possible.  Surrender your struggle and hold on to your faith."

I see so many applications of this card in my life.  So many places where I need to let go.  So many places where I need to trust.  This time in the world is a wonderful opportunity to work on surrendering my struggle and holding onto faith.  I'm looking for what I can let go of.  Where I can stop grasping for control.  I'm looking to practice more trust and faith.

Sending you love, and hoping that you're finding the blessings in this dismantling. 

What Are The Gifts And Lessons

Isn't this pandemic rollercoaster ride interesting?  

I was listening to The Balanced Blonde podcast yesterday and she said this:  "Get quiet, take some deep breaths, and ask your higher self - your all knowing, strong and calm self:  what are the positives of this situation?  What are the gifts and the lessons we are here to learn?"

I am committed to asking myself this daily.  Don't get me wrong - I'm going to feel all the feelings - fear, anger, confusion...  I'm going to read the updates from reliable sources so I can stay informed.  Because when we know better, we can do better.  I will not put on rose colored glasses and ignore reality and pretend like everything is fine.  People are struggling, people are hurting, people are dying.  There is a lot of pain.  But I also know for certain, from experience, that really painful times bring needed change.  That has always been true for me.  I am determined to see the bigger picture, what needs to be changed, and to see what I can do to help usher in a better world on the other side of this, and during this...because who knows when we'll be on the other side, so might as well get busy now.

Check out my video on my City Cricket Coaching IG or Facebook pages, or on youtube, to see the goddess oracle card that I drew today - Pele.  "Pele shows us that fire can purify, release us from the old to make way for the new..."  That's what is happening.  The old systems are crumbling and that will make room for the new.  There is so much opportunity to create right now.  How can we, personally, contribute?

My likes and learns from yesterday:

Like:

• Barbara Manley's video posted by Playful Soul.  She is a lovely person and I felt so much better after doing this short and simple tapping video with her.  If you don't know Barb, she was a nurse for many years in Indy and then moved to CA to work with Deepak Chopra at his center for 7 years, and has trained with many other big names in the spiritual world.  She is one of the most joyful people I know.  Even just watching her videos brings a smile.  Fun fact:  I kissed her son once ;-).

Learn:

• The power of a simple walk together...Ruby and I, at her suggestion, walked to our old (but still ours, pending 4/9 closing) house on Broadway yesterday to hunt for the feral kitten litter - please Jesus Mary and Joseph, don't let her find them!  I purposefully don't look, because fostering one feral kitten litter was enough for me, but I enjoy the time walking with Ruby.  It was AWESOME.  While walking that far KILLS my old lady/autoimmuned knees and hips, the pain was so worth it.  She talked THE ENTIRE TIME, which is not the norm these days for my sweet almost-teenager.  It was the highlight of my day.

I hope you are finding some joy and creativity during this time.  Sending you love and light.

*Drawing by my niece, the magical Madison Tomes, circa 2015.

Feel the Sun on Your Wings

Good morning friends!  How are you holding up?  Two weeks ago today was the last day I went about my normal life.  How about you?

I've started jotting down likes and learns on my planner each day.  It's a fun exercise to train my mind to find the positives, and to see the lessons the pandemic is bringing.  It's pretty easy to get pulled into the sadness and panic of it all.  I mean, the world is on fire - people are hurting, and all of the systems we took for granted are crumbling.  It's undeniably a shit show of epic proportions.  While I want to be informed, and I certainly feel the gravity of this situation, it doesn't help anyone if I dwell in that.  Likes and learns is one way of helping me to refocus.  Here are my likes and learns from the past few days:

Likes:

• "The Line" podcast and "alnwithin" IG account.  Ashley Wood is a psychic medium who I have followed for a while.  She has been a light through all of this and has such interesting views on the pandemic and our changing world.  She called what is happening now  "a sacred dismantling".  I really love that.  I've had a few sacred dismantlings in my life and I bet you have too.  While really painful and scary, looking back on them, they really helped me grow and evolve, and they were some of my greatest gifts.  I believe this pandemic will be too.

• That this is happening in early spring and we have the opportunity to spend more time outside observing nature coming back to life.  I don't think I have been so observant in past springs.

Learns:

• I can stay "busy" no matter WHAT the situation - even when forced to stay home and cancel all plans.  Still going 100mph.  Scott points this out to me because he is NOT a busy person ;-).  My busyness mostly serves to take me out of the moment and makes me hyper-focused on tasks, which is not always the best way to spend my time.  I'm going to be more aware of that, and more intentional with my time.  Getting stuff done is fine and good.  But constantly running from one task to the next is not so fine and good.  

• We humans are very clever and helpful.  I have seen some really sweet ways that people are stepping up to help each other and it warms my heart.  I love how people are coming together to donate masks they have laying around in the garage, and making masks for healthcare workers.  A retired nurse in our neighborhood posted on NextDoor that if you have any masks you have purchased (like for cleaning out the garage and such), that she would come by and pick them up on your porch and take them to a local hospital.  We had a few to give.  And JoAnn Fabrics, among others, have posted instructions  and a video on how to make masks for local healthcare workers.  They are even HANDING OUT FREE SUPPLIES CURBSIDE to make them!  Wow!  My parents and grandparents lost their homes and all of their belongings in an F5 tornado in 1965.  While undoubtedly a traumatic experience, the stories we grew up hearing were the stories of how people came together to help them.  I hope that will also be the legacy of this pandemic - how we all stepped up to help each other.  How love prevailed.

I'll close with this from Patricia Garza Pinto FB page (another Like!):  

Message from the Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers:

"As you move through these changing times... be easy on yourself and be easy on one another. You are at the beginning of something new. You are learning a new way of being. You will find that you are working less in the yang modes that you are used to.

You will stop working so hard at getting from point A to point B the way you have in the past, but instead, will spend more time experiencing yourself in the whole, and your place in it.

Instead of traveling to a goal out there, you will voyage deeper into yourself. Your mother's grandmother knew how to do this. Your ancestors from long ago knew how to do this. They knew the power of the feminine principle... and because you carry their DNA in your body, this wisdom and this way of being is within you.

Call on it. Call it up. Invite your ancestors in. As the yang based habits and the decaying institutions on our planet begin to crumble, look up. A breeze is stirring. Feel the sun on your wings."

Wishing you sun on your wings today - a beautiful 60 degree spring day full of  SUNSHINE and hope.

A Return to Spiritual Order

I was called to draw an oracle card and wow was it a doozy of a message!  I've been processing it all for a few days.  You can watch the 6 minute video about it on my youtube channel.  We're being called back to spiritual order.  Old systems are crumbling so that we can uplevel to a higher frequency.  852 is the frequency of returning to spiritual order.

I wanted to share a few Corona Likes & Learns with you...

Likes:

• If you've known me for a long time, you may remember my folk singer friend Christopher Williams, who came to my parents' house for our Folk At The Farm concert, way back in the early aughts!  SO. FUN.  He's giving a Facebook Live concert tonight at 8pm.  Pretty psyched about tuning into that!  

• Lori Bisser free yoga on her Facebook page and her youtube account.  Scroll down on her FB feed and you'll find various classes she has done in the last week or so...and some other good content too!  I used to do her classes and The Rivi and really like her!  Psyched she is offering classes online now.

Learns:

• Delay of gratification.  I never liked this concept.  When I crave Half Liter smoked meat...I must go.  When I want to make this yummy recipe and don't have the ingredients on hand...I run out and get them. I'm learning that it's ok to not have it all right now.

• Conservation...of food in your frig, of toilet paper, of energy.  I am super mindful of this right now.  Doing the 3 square pee ;-), planning meals around what in my frig needs to be used, sleeping more.  It's all important, and pre-corona, I didn't value it so much.

• The attached Quarantine Stir Fry recipe that I made up in order to use the food on hand.  It's really adaptable and easy.  I hope you enjoy.

Until next time, sending you love and light as we navigate this new world.

Faith and Hope

Good morning friends.  I'm doing really well this morning, but yesterday was heavy.  How about you?

Ruby and I have been driving to our old house every day because the feral cat on the old block had kittens again (no one has been able to catch her to get her fixed) and Ruby is determined to find them.  For me, it's a good excuse for both of us to get outside.  I walk with Ruby while she hunts, and I actively DO NOT hunt - because fostering that last litter was QUITE the big job and I'm not up for it again...I digress.  

So on the way over to Broadway, we pass all of our favorite restaurants and bars and coffee shops and little stores.  We normally pass one zillion people and I weave down side streets to get around the congestion on College.  But yesterday was a ghost town.  Our favorite places were either closed or had big signs saying "Take Out Only".  It really hit me like a ton of bricks.  The gravity of it all.  The sadness.  I got tearful.  These people are my friends.  My family.  They serve me with love.  I not only eat and drink in these places, but I connect, I laugh, I celebrate.  These places and the people working in them make me happy.  How are they going to pay their bills?  Will their businesses survive?  What the heck can I do?  And this is just the tip of the iceberg.  It all just made me so sad.  

In the interest of feeling all the feels and moving through them, I felt all the feels.  I didn't run - this is not my nature, but I am determined to feel it all and not distract.  And I am the QUEEN of Distraction.  Even in a quarantine, I can easily find ways to keep myself so busy that I wonder what all these people mean when they say it's a time to slow down and rest.  SLOW DOWN?!  I can keep myself running at warp speed even now!  Haha.  But dang it - I am going to slow down and feel all of these feelings.  And I did.  I am.  I let it all roll.

And this morning I am filled with hope.  I drew the Mother Mary goddess card this morning. "When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me.  Speaking words of wisdom, Let it be."  She says:  "Have faith that your prayers have been heard and are being answered.  Faith is the light that illuminates your pathway.  Without faith, the future looks very frightening.  That's why it's essential for you to take whatever steps are necessary to keep your mind and heart filled with faith.  Please don't give up hope on yourself or other people.  Keep the candle of faith burning within your soul, as that one small inkling of hope can eradicate the darkness of despair.  Be the light that eliminates someone else's gloomy hopelessness as well.  For as you make others stronger, it strengthens not only yourself, but the entire world.  Let go of worrisome thoughts.  Keep your thoughts positive.  Notice and follow any Divine guidance you receive.  Pray.  Engage in spiritual healing." 

So faith and hope are the order of the day.  I have always loved this Emily Dickinson poem:  

   “Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -"   ...

Thanks to a few of my friends for sharing hopeful words of wisdom with me yesterday:

• From Kathy:  There will be opportunities that we can’t imagine and growth that we can’t imagine. The universe's way of waking us up to what matters. Hopefully the opportunity will bring clarity to a lot of people that really need it in our culture.  Humans are the second most resilient creatures on earth. After cockroaches of course.

• From Melyssa:  We all are going to be ok. So many lessens to be learned about ourselves, others, and connection

• From Stephanie:  Some sort of rebirthing process is happening. The Universe is giving us all the push we need, collectively, for change. I've seen more people come into spiritual awakening than ever before. It's almost like people are craving it! I think once the dust settles, we are going to emerge...different. I think this is happening on both a micro level for so many and now a macro level. I keep telling my husband that he has ignored his true self (haven't we all at some point?) for so long that his body and all of his systems are forcing him to take notice and change. Isn't that what is really happening to all of us, globally, now?  Sometimes the entire system has to crumble before people listen and make changes. What a fascinating time to be alive in the midst of the entire rebirthing process of all the people on earth! Wow.

My friends.  Are amazing.  So thankful.

And a few other fun randoms:

• If you don't have Spotify, you can search the healing frequencies I've been talking about on youtube.

• I'm looking for new ways to move my body at home that feel good and aren't mind-numbingly boring.  Here's what I'm going to check out in the next few days:  

  • I like Lori Bisser's yoga classes.  I used to do them at the Rivi.  She is posting them on youtube and doing Facebook Live classes, which are also recorded on her FB page, if you can't make it live.

  • Check out @empty.out on IG - look at her videos - she does this intuitive movement that is really inspiring.  I'm going to choose a few songs I love and do something like this on my own.  

  • Amanda @thegoldngut posted on IG yesterday that she is doing an IG Live event tonight at 8:30 with @empty.out.  It's Reiki and Empty Out!  Sounds awesome.

  • Also going to check out Popsugar Fitness on youtube, per Amanda @thegoldngut.  She said the 30 minute cardio Latin Dance Workout was really fun.

• some crystal support suggestions, for those who have asked:

  • Check out local artist and magical being, @JuniperFeather, on Insta, to purchase crystal jewelry she is making with such love and intention - double whammy:  get some crystal support + help a local single momma and massage therapist during a time of physical distancing.  PS:  free shipping!

  • Lapis helps release your pent up emotions

  • Sodalite encourages expression of feelings, brings emotional balance and calms panic

  • Black Obsidian, Black Tourmaline, and Black Onyx are protection stones that absorb internal negativity and shield you against the dark energy of others.    

May your day be filled with hope and faith.  

What The World Needs Now

...Sing it with me..."is love, sweet love."  You might want to pull up that song on your listening devise now.  I like Cat Powers' version best ;-).

So I gotta be honest, I went to bed angry and I woke up angry...and I'm still hanging onto it a bit.  Found out last night that a friend of ours' sweet little baby had to go to the ER last night because she had a fever and was in respiratory distress.  She's ok (as of late last night at least).  Thank god.  Still say a prayer for her, and her family - she has 2 little sisters.  However, it made me REALLY mad...mad that people are STILL not taking this seriously, and going to Hobby Lobby and the mall, and wherever else they think is so important.  How did little Rasa get it?  Who knows.  Which is the point.  People are carrying it around (vectors) and don't know it and think they are fine and healthy and exempt from staying home, and then they give it to an old lady who really just needed milk.  Or to a sweet little baby who has to get oxygen now.  I'm not gonna go down that path any farther, because a) you get the idea; b) I've done it over and over;  c) it doesn't help me feel better, and d) i don't think it's helpful for anyone.  

PS:  they were told in the ER (Peyton Manning) that they are only testing people who are admitted to the ICU, cuz there aren't enough tests.  So that # of infected people reported daily...yeah, it is meaningless.  

So...after going to bed with that news, and trying to shake it (unsuccessfully), I woke up late (I hate that) and to a sink full of dirty dishes.  And the counter too.  Wow did that stoke my anger fire.  PEOPLE!  Do you think that a pandemic means that you are absolved from your household duties?!  No!  That is definitely NOT in the pandemic handbook!  I banged around in that kitchen so hard to punish anyone who might be feeling peaceful in the house.  

Then I came downstairs and saged the shit out of myself to get rid of it all.  Helped a little.  Went into meditation, holding my rose quartz (for love), and selenite (this selenite practically JUMPED into my path at Playful Soul one time.  I wasn't looking for it, but I could just see it's power vibrating.  It is used to clear, open, and activate the Crown and Higher Chakras, and used for protection).  So the first thing I do in daily morning meditation is call in my guides, and ancestors, and recently - because it's all hands on deck here people - the angels...all of them...and the goddesses, and the Grandmothers (from the book "A Call To Power:  The Grandmothers Speak...Amazing book).  And here's what they did:  They all came in and got in a circle, holding each other's shoulders (you know like a football team does in a huddle sometimes), and they stacked on top of each other (cuz there's no earth gravity in their realm - this must be fun, huh? ;-)).  So picture them in a tall cylinder, all circled around a fire, watching it and swaying back and forth in this gentle dance of sorts.  I could feel that they were watching Earth burn.  The fire was Earth.  We are on fire, folks.  And it has to happen.  And then I felt this LOVE.  And the song "What the World Needs Now...is love sweet love" came into my head.  

I don't want to be angry.  But it's a pretty natural feeling.  And ignoring and smashing down our feelings is not helpful.  They will come back out in another way - illness, snapping at your loved ones, beating yourself up for something silly.  So feel it.  Sit in it.  Ask it what it has to show you.  You know what my anger showed me?  That I like to be right.  I was finger pointing and blaming and all on fire with self righteousness.  Well that's ugly.  And not how I want to show up in the world.  And it doesn't feel good.  It doesn't help anyone feel better and it makes me feel really shitty.  And I don't want to feel shitty.  But I'm honestly not quite done feeling it.  I'm gonna do a meditation here in a bit to further connect and feel it totally - really get into it - so that I can work through it.  Really work through it, not just ignore it or suppress it.  Maybe I'll record it and post it.  Stay tuned for that...

So that is my point (I have never been known for economy of word ;-))...feel the feels.  We're gonna get pissed, and scared, and all the other junky emotions that we humans have and don't like to feel.  It's part of the process.  Feel them.  See them.  Walk through them.  And then after you do that, maybe we could focus on loving.  No matter who is right or wrong (from your perspective or mine).  No matter who is quarantining and who isn't.  No matter who cleans up the kitchen or who doesn't.  Let's express our emotions - get it out.  And then come back around to love.

Check out my youtube video - a little tour of my meditation altar and a 13ish minute meditation (starts at 9:44) for feeling your feelings (the ones you don’t like), moving through them, and choosing a different one. I worked through anger and chose love, but you can choose your own emotions to work through.

And now let's join our virtual hands...OH!  Yes, let's actually do that - picture it right now.  Picture yourself in circle with a million people, around a fire, and all singing "What the world needs now, is love sweet love, it's the only thing that there's just too little of..."  Just sit there and do that for a minute.  It feels good.

Btw - the frequency of love is 528.  So maybe do a Spotify search for 528hz and play that in the background when you're feeling like Miss Judgey Pants.  Or even when you're not.  

So...today I'm sending you...understanding.  And grace.  Because it's messy.  And we're not all going to do this right or well all the time.  But let's come back around to love as much as we can.

Peace be with you, friends. (I'm not Catholic, but have always loved when they do this at mass and it feels really good and right these days).

How are we gonna show up?

Well, this is getting interesting...how are you doing?

As we navigate the pandemic, I am looking for new and different ways to grow and connect.   How can we connect deeper with self and The Divine?  This is Kali learnin' folks!  If you were at the February gathering, we talked about rock bottoms in our lives and how they are turning points.  Kali is here to BURN SHIT DOWN...to burn down everything that isn't working and give us an opportunity for rebirth and transformation.  It hurts.  It's hard.  It's scary.  There are so many unknowns...everything is unknown, in an unprecedented way, for all of us. So how will we choose to navigate through it?  

I received a few messages yesterday that really resonated, from Ashley on "The Line" podcast (a Monday don't-miss for me!):

• make a commitment to yourself, your energy, your message, and how you want to be showing up during this time.

• Make connections - piece things together

• make conclusions and commitments

• your energy has a ripple effect.  It affects people far and wide, way more than you are aware of.

Look, I have fears creep in too...what if the virus is on the mail?  I have a history of respiratory infections, bronchitis and pneumonia!  What about my Mom - she's 77 with lung issues.  What if we run out of food - is it really safe to order more online?  What if the stock market crashes...it's happening.  What if our buyers back out of the sale of our house, which is due to close on April 15?  What if all of the small businesses I know and love go under? What's going to happen to my friends in the restaurant industry!?  My son!? ...I could go on.  You get the idea.  

So here's what I'm doing:  

• I am making a commitment to myself, and to the collective, to not show up in fear.  Sure, fear comes.  It's normal.  I acknowledge it - yup, I see ya, Fear.  You kinda suck and you don't help.  And you make everything worse, in fact.  So you can sit in the way back while love and trust drive this bus.  

• I'm choosing to focus on how I can grow and learn and connect in new and different ways.  

• I'm getting over my aversion to posting on social media - it feels like when I post, I am being a smarmy salesperson.  I'm afraid people will think (know) that I am weird.  I'm afraid people will think I'm stupid and silly.  Yup, I hear ya fears - back seat please.  I'm doing it anyway.  I just posted a video to youtube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PBF8lG7kCg) and IGTV, which you can also get to via my Instagram (if you didn't know that ;-)) and/or Facebook (IG and FB are @citycricketcoaching). AND IT WAS TERRIFYING!  I have never posted a video.  Just typing that made my pits all sweaty!

• I'm toying with the idea of doing Facebook Lives.  I follow a few educators who do this and I like it.  If you can't show up at the appointed time, you can catch the replay.  It would be like what I would do at a retreat/gathering...in 20-30 minute bites. 

• I'm GONNA get that blog going, that I have talked about FOR.  YEARS.  I am going to send (mostly) daily emails.  I'm an extrovert trapped in a house with 2 introverts - I GOTTA EXPRESS MYSELF OUTWARDLY!!!  And on a positive note, the introverts in the house have never been more happy - haha!

What are you choosing?  And how can I help?  How can we be connected virtually?  

I'm sending you love.  So many people are hurting in so many different ways.  What are the ways that we can rise to the occasion, to not feed the fear, and to help others?

In peace and love